I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
