wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
