I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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