Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
MIDGETS
????
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
