I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
