how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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