if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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