Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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