I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
did i walk over a car last night?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
