Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
