I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
handjob tips. give me some.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
