Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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