Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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