I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
