he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
