I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
