p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
