i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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