I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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