If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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