I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
