We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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