Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
