You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
