yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
