A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
