Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
