just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize