My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Still dying that you shit outside
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
