hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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