i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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