College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
