I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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