You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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