she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
