He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
