If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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