It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
