I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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