Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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