I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
