Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize