She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
