Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
