I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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