Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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