Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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