Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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