Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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