I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
