You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
