you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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