party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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