I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
