mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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