i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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