Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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