Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
