Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
