Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
