I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
