apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
