After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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