rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
