i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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