im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
