I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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