when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the day after is always just damage control
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize