i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
