Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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