Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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