Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
