I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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