If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
