i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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