I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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