When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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