champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
