These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
