Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
