you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
