I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
