Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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