Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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