White coat. Heels.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
