On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
