I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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