Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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