sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize