so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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