Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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