she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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