How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
