why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
