He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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