So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
