Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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