see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize