I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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