I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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