my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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