Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
