Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
