dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
