insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
