I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
