she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
