He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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