I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
