I wanna passion pit in your ass
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
