your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
