There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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