Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize